Make Russia great again

  Russia has come up with a great new way to improve patriotism in the mother country. Lawmakers want to start distributing Vladimir Putin sperm to Russian women en masse in a bid to create a whole new wonderful generation of Russians. 

Yelena Borisovna Mizoulina, the chairman of Parliamentary Commission on women's affairs, children and family told colleagues that by giving the president's sperm to would be mothers they would be making Russia great again. It is interesting to note that Mizoulina is a bright educated women with a PhD in law. Considering this idea comes from an educated Russian with a PhD, perhaps the idea isn't so ridiculous after all. If this is how a well educated, intelligent person thinks in Russia maybe they really need to start handing out Putin sperm. 

 Makes you wonder though who in Canada we could consider?

 

The Heimlich

 He created it, he heard about it but he never got a chance to try it, until this week. Dr. Henry Heimlich, now  96-years-old, used it for the first time this week to save a fellow senior resident who was choking on a hamburger.
 Heimlich was sitting at a communal dining table at Cincinnati’s Deupree House, an upscale senior living center where he lives, and noticed fellow resident Patty Ris, 87, in distress while eating a burger.
He jumped out of his seat, put his arms around Patty and pressed on her abdomen below the rib cage, and followed his own instructions displayed on posters in the dining room.
 Asked afterwards about the incident Heimlich said, " I cant believe it actually works".

Different Graduation gift

 Sixth graders received an unusual surprise at their class graduation party. Each student received a graduation disc with a special film about their school but in addition the disc also contained  pornography.

The parent of one of the students was shocked to discover the actual content of the DVD. Upon this unusual discovery they rushed to inform other parents, who of course had to see for themselves.

Angry parents appealed to the board of the school for clarification. The board explained the incident saying that the company recording the school film was reusing older discs to cut costs. Remember, you always get what you pay for. 

The real irony was that it was national HUG day when the DVDs arrived.