911

  I was at a corporate golf tournament in Peterborough last week playing with a few customers. Upon arriving at the course, Baxter Creek, my phone rang, it was the OPP PCC FALLS, as identified on my phone. I answered the phone expecting a request for a donation to the policeman's ball. The person on the line identified herself as an OPP officer and informed me that I called the police and wanted to verify everything was ok. I suggested that it must have been a pocket call and I assured her that I was fine. After answering a few personal questions, my birthday, home address, where I was...the officer told me that she was required to file a report and that another officer may be contacting me.
  On the fourth hole I checked my phone and noticed I missed four calls from an "Unidentified Caller". At that very moment the phone rang again from an unidentified caller and upon answering it a police officer identified himself, told me he was following up from my previous conversation, again asked me the same questions as before and discovered we shared the same birthday, although I was older. I assured him I was fine and I apologized for my inadvertent pocket call. He asked one last time if I needed any assistance. This time I answered yes and explained to him that all my shots where slicing to the right and asked if he could help. He suggested I try loosening my grip on the club.
 My game suddenly improved. Thank goodness the OPP was there when I needed them.

Following the rules or bad manners?

 Retirement Homes have many rules and regulations. I am always very careful to abide by all of them when visiting a Home.The most common rule is to never allow a resident to leave a Home while you are entering. This is why virtually all homes have a keypad and a passcode for entry and exit of the Home.
  I was at a Home this week and as I was entering a resident in a wheel chair was waiting at the door trying to get out. Knowing the rules I stood by the door, blocking the resident from exiting, until the door was fully closed. Ensuring the resident remained in the Home.
  The resident then proceeded to put the passcode into the keypad so the door would open, while at the same gave me a very sarcastic  "thanks" together with a few choice words he mumbled under his breath. How was I to know he was allowed to leave?
   Sorry Buddy.
 

Small towns

 I have been visiting many small towns and villages recently in Ontario and I have noticed that they have many stores and services we just don't have in the bigger cities.
  Antique stores. Many antique stores. Every other store is an antique store. Who is buying these antiques. The whole town has only 1000 people. Are these stores just a way for the towns people to swap their old stuff. One sells another buys? Eventually you buy back the original old stuff you sold.
  Septic tank services. The whole idea stinks. A massive sewage tank in your back yard!  We are in the 21st century why do people still have septic tanks in Ontario? Is it true the richest guy in town owns the septic tank business? If your tank is overflowing won't you pay anything to have it emptied?
   Worms. In Toronto its hard to find a store that sells worms. In small towns its hard to find a store that doesn't sell worms. Every gas station and variety store has worms in the fridge right next to the milk and eggs.
   I like small towns and I think growing up in a small town is great. After all who doesn't want  sewage in their yard and worms in their fridge.

I am 52 years young

I have always wondered at what stage of life does a person realize he is getting older? Is it merely number of birthdays? Or is it:
-The loss of hair on one's head and the increased hair in the nose and ears?
-The increased daily medications? (Classic Care delivers)
-Having a medicine cabinet filled with medications expired 20 years ago?
-Waking up every morning at 4am to pee?
-Wanting to take a nap everyday at 2pm?
-Having your eyebrows trimmed by the barber?
-Enjoying boiled chicken and a baked potato for dinner?
-The constant reflux, accompanied by belching and clearing of the throat?
-Driving 40km/hr on the highways?
-Going to sleep at 9pm because you are up at 4am?
-Making frequent bodily noises in public and not caring?
I was recently on a flight from Toronto to Vancouver. I returned same day. I spent 9 hours that day on the plane. During the time on the plane I worked a little, I slept a little and I watched a few movies. The next morning someone asked me what movies I watched on the plane. For the life of me I could only remember one movie I watched, Lone Soldier, and as hard as I tried I couldn't remember the other movies. I think I am getting old.

Ruffles

  Ruffles, its a funny word. I always thought Lays chips made up the word Ruffles. I was driving in Toronto this week and I passed a hair salon called Ruffles. I thought it must be the owners name, Mrs Ruffles, and I chuckled to myself because I thought it was a very funny name and it sounded like chips.
   Now listen up guys I just found out that there is a word in the English vocabulary, ruffles. It is a strip of fabric sometimes gathered, creating folds. It is very common on dresses. Also sliding one's hand through their hair is called ruffling your hair. I never knew this. I have been going through life thinking Ruffles were only potato chips.
    I don't think I am really an idiot but rather I am sure it is a gender thing as I assume all women know what ruffles are while men think it is a good chip.
    Women have you ever heard of the words, nutmeg, Dial 8, or 5 hole?
   I rest my case. I just hope I haven't ruffled any feathers.

               

Shiver me timbers

   I like wearing fresh clothes every day. I would suspect that all of us like wearing clean clothes every day. At my home, miraculously, if I put my dirty clothes in a certain basket, they end up back in my drawer fresh and clean. Its a great system and I hope it never changes. 
   I heard in the news today that jeans never have to be washed. The CEO of Levi Strauss stated that the pants he was wearing, jeans, were his favorite pants and although a year old, they had never been washed. Wearing pants that have not been washed for a year? I don't wash my pants after every wear but never washing them? Won't they eventually feel dirty?
   There is an alternative proposed to washing. You never need to wash jeans just put them in the freezer over night and you are ready to go in the morning. So now we have regular cleaning, dry cleaning and freeze cleaning. Pants may be great right out of the dryer but right out of the freezer? Careful guys it may cause "shrinkage".
    It is reported that if you fold your jeans properly, place them in a ziplock bag and then freeze them, they will feel fresh, crisp and clean next time you put them on.
    I like my jeans, I have a few pairs from formal to regular blue jeans and I want them to last, so I am thinking of freezing my pants. But that's all I am freezing just my pants!

Hotels

 I stayed over night last week in Minneapolis. The Hotel was ok, near the airport, but as usual whenever I am at a hotel I am faced with the same temptations. What should I take? They have soap and shampoo. Shoe cleaners and hair nets. Pens and pads of paper. Sewing kits and body lotion. So many items to choose from.
 I have to admit that I do take the pens and if I stay over a few nights I will make sure to get new pens every day. I should also admit that if the cleaning cart is in the hall and no one is looking I will grab a few more pens. I have accumulated many, many, pens over the years.
 But what about all the other items? I do sometimes take the soap if it is real good quality. I don't use an entire bar every day, yet they give me a new one daily. Same goes for all the other items. If I like them I take them. I figure it is advertising and they want me to take them. I have baskets at home of all these tiny bathroom items, which I never actually seem to use.
 I know a guy who liked the pillows so much he took two of them from the Waldorf in New York. Many people also wonder about the robes. The hotel logo is printed on it so maybe that too is for taking?  Towels? Lamps? Pictures from the wall?.
  They should have a sign on the door that tells us what is free to take. Or maybe as we leave just hand us a grab bag with one of everything.
   I'm not sure about anyone else but I feel better about my stay if I take a few items. If they are going to charge me such high prices plus the extra taxes and wireless costs than I am taking a few extra pens. It's only fair.