I am 52 years young

I have always wondered at what stage of life does a person realize he is getting older? Is it merely number of birthdays? Or is it:
-The loss of hair on one's head and the increased hair in the nose and ears?
-The increased daily medications? (Classic Care delivers)
-Having a medicine cabinet filled with medications expired 20 years ago?
-Waking up every morning at 4am to pee?
-Wanting to take a nap everyday at 2pm?
-Having your eyebrows trimmed by the barber?
-Enjoying boiled chicken and a baked potato for dinner?
-The constant reflux, accompanied by belching and clearing of the throat?
-Driving 40km/hr on the highways?
-Going to sleep at 9pm because you are up at 4am?
-Making frequent bodily noises in public and not caring?
I was recently on a flight from Toronto to Vancouver. I returned same day. I spent 9 hours that day on the plane. During the time on the plane I worked a little, I slept a little and I watched a few movies. The next morning someone asked me what movies I watched on the plane. For the life of me I could only remember one movie I watched, Lone Soldier, and as hard as I tried I couldn't remember the other movies. I think I am getting old.

Ruffles

  Ruffles, its a funny word. I always thought Lays chips made up the word Ruffles. I was driving in Toronto this week and I passed a hair salon called Ruffles. I thought it must be the owners name, Mrs Ruffles, and I chuckled to myself because I thought it was a very funny name and it sounded like chips.
   Now listen up guys I just found out that there is a word in the English vocabulary, ruffles. It is a strip of fabric sometimes gathered, creating folds. It is very common on dresses. Also sliding one's hand through their hair is called ruffling your hair. I never knew this. I have been going through life thinking Ruffles were only potato chips.
    I don't think I am really an idiot but rather I am sure it is a gender thing as I assume all women know what ruffles are while men think it is a good chip.
    Women have you ever heard of the words, nutmeg, Dial 8, or 5 hole?
   I rest my case. I just hope I haven't ruffled any feathers.

               

Shiver me timbers

   I like wearing fresh clothes every day. I would suspect that all of us like wearing clean clothes every day. At my home, miraculously, if I put my dirty clothes in a certain basket, they end up back in my drawer fresh and clean. Its a great system and I hope it never changes. 
   I heard in the news today that jeans never have to be washed. The CEO of Levi Strauss stated that the pants he was wearing, jeans, were his favorite pants and although a year old, they had never been washed. Wearing pants that have not been washed for a year? I don't wash my pants after every wear but never washing them? Won't they eventually feel dirty?
   There is an alternative proposed to washing. You never need to wash jeans just put them in the freezer over night and you are ready to go in the morning. So now we have regular cleaning, dry cleaning and freeze cleaning. Pants may be great right out of the dryer but right out of the freezer? Careful guys it may cause "shrinkage".
    It is reported that if you fold your jeans properly, place them in a ziplock bag and then freeze them, they will feel fresh, crisp and clean next time you put them on.
    I like my jeans, I have a few pairs from formal to regular blue jeans and I want them to last, so I am thinking of freezing my pants. But that's all I am freezing just my pants!

Hotels

 I stayed over night last week in Minneapolis. The Hotel was ok, near the airport, but as usual whenever I am at a hotel I am faced with the same temptations. What should I take? They have soap and shampoo. Shoe cleaners and hair nets. Pens and pads of paper. Sewing kits and body lotion. So many items to choose from.
 I have to admit that I do take the pens and if I stay over a few nights I will make sure to get new pens every day. I should also admit that if the cleaning cart is in the hall and no one is looking I will grab a few more pens. I have accumulated many, many, pens over the years.
 But what about all the other items? I do sometimes take the soap if it is real good quality. I don't use an entire bar every day, yet they give me a new one daily. Same goes for all the other items. If I like them I take them. I figure it is advertising and they want me to take them. I have baskets at home of all these tiny bathroom items, which I never actually seem to use.
 I know a guy who liked the pillows so much he took two of them from the Waldorf in New York. Many people also wonder about the robes. The hotel logo is printed on it so maybe that too is for taking?  Towels? Lamps? Pictures from the wall?.
  They should have a sign on the door that tells us what is free to take. Or maybe as we leave just hand us a grab bag with one of everything.
   I'm not sure about anyone else but I feel better about my stay if I take a few items. If they are going to charge me such high prices plus the extra taxes and wireless costs than I am taking a few extra pens. It's only fair.

12F

I flew to Minneapolis yesterday. It is only an hour and a half flight. I actually enjoy short flights. I watch a movie have a complimentary drink, and read the paper. It is actually quite relaxing.
 They are ready for boarding, I am in seat 12F. I jump in line and wait patiently. I get to the boarding counter, give my boarding pass and passport to the young lady, and she asks whether I would like to change my seat. I like 12F, I picked 12F, so I decline. She advises me that the plane is pretty empty and once I board I can change my seat if I want. Strange!
  I get to the plane door, hand my boarding pass to the flight attendant, and she informs me that if I want to change seats there are plenty of empty seats in the back of the plane. Now I am very curious. I tell her that I prefer to sit in row 12, thank you. She tells me that is fine but if I decide to switch there are plenty of open seats on the plane.
   I now make my way to seat 12F, and say excuse me to the elder lady sitting in 12E, telling her I need to get by to get to 12F, the window seat.
                                               She tells me "go sit somewhere else"!
Slightly shocked I headed toward the back of the plane, where the flight attendants were laughing. It seems this old lady pre-boarded the plane and informed everyone that there better not be anyone sitting next to her. Lucky me.
   The flight was great and I got extra drinks. But then I arrived at the airport in Minneapolis and the first thing you see is..
                                       

                                                         Maybe I am in Kansas.

Names

  What are some parents thinking when naming children. I was lucky, Moe Green worked for me, especially with Moe Green being in the Godfather.
   I was reading about Kermit Gosnell, the doctor who ran the very problematic abortion clinic. When Kermit's parents picked that name they should have known it wasn't going to turn out too well for him.
   There is a famous South Korean Olympic pole vaulter named Kim Yoo Suk. Did he ever have a chance of winning an Olympic medal?
    Rob Morrow named his kid Tu Morrow. It may have seemed funny at the time but in 20 years from now Tu Morrow wont be too happy about tomorrow.
    I have heard many strange names including: Apple, Rain, Seven, Blue Ivy...
    Although it seems any sound or word is now acceptable as a name for a child today, I have taken the liberty of providing a few names I would stay away from.
                             Osama, Adolf, Saddam, Atilla, Yikes and Oops.

Life is passing you by!

  I am not old but I remember when driving one's car was a wonderful escape from the daily grind at work . You were unreachable in your car. You could concentrate on driving while admiring the beautiful scenery. One might have kept a map in their car or just jotted down the directions to where you were heading on a piece of paper. Life was simple.
  I have been in pharmacy sales for many years and I recall driving to different cities and towns. Heading to the first gas station, finding the phone booth, ripping out the yellow pages for pharmacies and then driving to each store stopping many times on the way to ask directions. I am one of those guys who never minded asking for directions.
 Today your car is an office. You have a phone, a computer and a GPS. Usually you also have a pad of paper and a pen to write notes and reminders. You have no time to relax and admire the scenery.
   I am told I need to embrace technology. I have a GPS.  I think it is cool having a "Global Positioning System" in my car and it usually is correct, although I still don't trust it 100%. The problem with a GPS is that it takes all the thinking out of driving. You put in the address and you follow the directions. I headed out today to visit a customer whom I have visited on numerous occasions, I put the address in the GPS and off  I went. Driving for 45 minutes, passing farms, cows, golf courses, driving to absolutely no where. Only to realize the location is Dundas East not West. I knew that, I had been there before, but the address said West and once the GPS was turned on my mind was turned off.
  I took my GPS on a trip to Washington a couple years ago. It must have been jet lagged because It was about 100 meters slow. Whenever it told me to turn I was already a 100 meters past the turn. Then of course the dreaded "recalculating" came up like a good scolding.
 Once when driving with a passenger my GPS recognized the passenger's accent and switched the language to Afrikaans. It did it all by itself, I don't even know how to switch the language on my GPS.
 Technology is great and fun but sometimes we just need to escape the daily grind. Maybe next time on the road turn everything off for half an hour, open your windows, take off your shoes, crank up the music and enjoy those precious few moments. Everything else can wait!

 

A whale of an explosion.

There have now been three reported whales washed up on beaches. Before you call to volunteer to assist in the removal take a look at this video. 

You think its cold outside?

  So I am leaving to Israel for Passover and I discover, the morning of my flight, that my furnace has stopped working. My flight is leaving in a few hours and it is Sunday so I will have to look after it from overseas. It is also April, spring, time for the weather to warm up, so there is no major rush. Of course while away I do nothing, but that is ok, May is always warm.
   I arrived home last week and not only is my furnace still broken but it is damn cold! It's May and it is still freezing at night.
  You may think a sweater and an extra blanket would suffice, that's what I thought but I was wrong. Ever get out of a hot shower in a very cold room? What about that freezing cold toilet seat? Do you know that the lights take longer to brighten when it is cold?
  At least the wine is cool, the heating bill is low and the pillow refreshing. I am thinking of having a furnace party when the new furnace arrives. Crank up the heat, put down some sand and make my living room into a beach. Maybe spend the day at home in my bathing suit. Or perhaps just wear my Montreal Canadians sweater and socks. Go habs!
 

One whale of a story

    A small Canadian town is trying to figure out how to dispose of a 81-foot-long Blue whale that washed up on the beach. I have been on beaches where dead fish have washed up and the smell is horrible, I can only imagine a dead whale.

   Trout River Newfoundland is a town of 650 people that rely heavily on summer tourism. The whale is 81 feet long and the smell is getting bad. As the temperature increases so does the decay and the odour. Who would want to go to the beach where there is a massive decaying whale and a terrible smell?

    To make matters worse it is reported that:

    "It's becoming a health hazard because it's filling with toxic gases," and "They're wondering if it may explode". Has anyone ever witnessed an 81 foot long whale explode? Can't be good for local businesses or beach goers.

    Town officials say they don't have the equipment or the money to dispose of the creature and have asked the Canadian government for help, "In circumstances like this, the disposal of carcasses of whales is the responsibility of provincial or municipal authorities," they were told.

     If you want to help, call city hall in Trout River they are looking for people to assist in carving up the whale into smaller pieces and disposing of it piece by piece. They say any experience would be helpful and you can keep any pieces you want.

Perfect Job?

                            What would you do if your perfect job suddenly changed?
   I read an article in Time Magazine about China's Wolong Nature Reserve who are breeding Panda Bears and reintroducing them into the wild. Sounds exciting and fulfilling? Whom amongst us would not want to get paid to play with those cute Panda Bears every day and feel so good about saving the species. There are only 1600 left in the wild. What a perfect job!
   While not having much success reintroducing the Pandas into the wild, the head of the program, referred to as Papa Panda, decided that the captive Pandas were having too much interaction with humans and therefore made a decision that all traces of humans contact must be erased from the Panda's habitat. So did they fire all the humans who were coming in contact with the Pandas?
    No, but those lucky few who were hired to care for the captive Pandas had their world turned upside down.
    Effectively immediately anyone working with the Pandas must now wear a furry black and white panda suit smeared with Panda pee and feces every day at work. Still sound like the perfect job? Not to mention it must get very hot in those costumes!