keep your eyes on the road

 Lately I have been doing quite a bit of driving both in Canada and Israel. I have noticed more and more that men can’t quite remember to go to the bathroom before they start on the road. It is becoming quite frequent that I notice men standing on the side of the HWY peeing. In Canada men try to be discreet, they park on the shoulder, try to find a bush near the road, walk behind the bush and relieve themselves.

 I have noticed recently that Canadian men have become more bold.  They now quite often stand right beside their cars, sometimes with the cars door open to provide a little more privacy. Do they think it is like being in a private stall? Perhaps it is because of the cold and snow that they are becoming so bold. Do men think nobody notices or that others don’t know what we are doing? Is it only males or can everyone tell from miles away when a man is standing and peeing? Is it our posture? Where we are looking?

 In Israel, however, MEN ARE MEN, they stand proudly in full view of the road, most often with their backs to the passing cars, but not always, providing all passing drivers with a wonderful view of their powerful streams. If you are lucky or unlucky you may even catch an entire family, father and sons, showing off their streams.

 Thankfully pants have zippers otherwise there would be far more accidents on our roads.

            I do have one question though: Why do women never have to pee while driving?

                            

It's freezing out there!

I try to watch the news every day or at least listen to the radio 3, 4, 5 times a day because news is always changing….. I am always hoping that there is some good news in the world or that there is something new I can learn about. All I keep hearing about is the Polar Vortex. I don’t know about anyone else, but until this winter I was unaware that the Polar Vortex even existed. It’s now all people talk about. It’s not just Artic cold but it is Polar Vortex cold. I am waiting for Al Gore to make a movie about the Polar Vortex so he can scare everyone and then make a second fortune.  Remember how Al Gore took “Global Warming” and turned it into a multi-million dollar industry. Movies, Nobel prizes, from a failed attempt to be President of the United States to a world leader on Global warming. He is at the forefront warning the world that unless we change the way we live the entire globe could end up like Miami, palm trees, shorts, outdoor cafes..it doesn’t sound too bad to me.

 I just wish Global Warming was stronger than the Polar Vortex because this winter has been brutal and Miami is beautiful.

   

                                                                                                  

 

last word about the Olympics

                                                                                                                                                       

  Canada made us proud, we won quite a few medals, there were some very exciting moments but really for me it all comes down to Hockey. Even the Olympics recognizes that hockey is the most important medal because they put it as the last competition before the closing ceremonies.
  I think they should count every medal given out rather than by event. This way when Canada wins gold in both mens and womens hockey we get 50 gold medals and are propelled into first place overall.
  I wonder how many Canadians woke up early on Sunday and watched the game. I would guess millions. We should figure out how to combine hockey and work in Canada. Maybe if the leafs played every game at 6am people would show up to work on time.
  I am not sure if it was only me but I found it very difficult to distinguish between countries during the competitions this year, it seems that all countries chose to wear red to look like Canada.  Atleast in hockey I can tell who Canada is. They are the ones smiling.

                           One last word now that the Olympics are over  “GO HABS GO”

a confession

                                                      

 Before the Olympics are over I must confess something. I watched women’s curling. I don’t curl, I don’t understand how the game works, I have no clue how one wins or loses, scores or steals but Canada was playing for gold and I needed to watch. The score was tied 3-3 heading into the eighth, or so I call it. The Canadian player shot her big heavy thing, the other ladies were working very hard with their brooms and I found myself shouting SWEEP SWEEP. I have no idea what the sweeping actually does and when they are supposed to sweep but I was swept into the Olympic moment and I joined the chorus. The Canadian big heavy thing slid down the ice hit the other team’s big heavy thing and pushed it away. What a great shot, I thought. The announcer then commented about what a lost opportunity for Canada. HUH?

Whether I had a clue as to what was going on or not, Canada won gold and I like to think I had a little something to do with it.    

                               Another Moe Moment                                                                                               

tomato

  If any of you have been to Machane Yehudah, the produce/food market in Jerusalem, you will understand what I am describing. A market place filled with hundreds of vendors selling fruits, vegetables, spices, bread, fish, meat….a place where one can spend an entire day just people watching as Israelis and tourists fill the streets purchasing every imaginable delicacy and food product. So when I was there recently and I walked by a gentleman about 50 years of age in a suit and tie carrying one lone tomato and no other bags or items, my curiosity was piqued. What is his story? Did he steal the tomato? Did he find it lying on the ground and rescued it? Was he making a grilled cheese sandwich and realized he was out of tomatoes? Was he out shopping for his wife earlier and got everything except the tomato?

 I had to know so I carefully followed him for a block hoping to see where he was going. Unable to contain my interest any longer, and knowing I needed a good story for my blog, I approached him and asked him in my broken Hebrew, why was he at the market buying only one tomato? He not so politely in perfect Hebrew told me to mind my own business.

  Quickly I turned around and headed back to the market for a quick lunch feeling a little hurt and embarrassed. While eating lunch, fish and chips of course, believe it or not a different man walked by my table carrying nothing but a frying pan and as he passed by my table he actually pulled out of his shirt pocket one lone tomato and with the frying pan and tomato now in hand he entered a synagogue directly across from where I was eating.

 However lesson already learned I kept my mouth shut and minded my own business.

                                                    Another Moes Moment

                                                                                         

 

olympic spirit

                                                                                                                                      

 I love sports, I love competition, I am also a patriot so it is only natural that I would love the Olympics. But I have always wondered how certain competitions were created and when does an athlete realize that this is what they want to do with their lives.

  The Biathlon, for example, you cross country ski with a gun on your back. You ski as fast as you can, stop shoot a target and then continue skiing and shooting… how is this a sport, who created it and what type of person decides that this is what they are good at. I think the competition would be far more interesting if they had to shoot each other and the last one standing wins. I would also be more concerned about one of these guys getting upset about losing at the Olympics than terrorists attacking. They already have a gun, they are excellent marksman and they can make a quick getaway. Also why do mostly Eastern European countries win this competition? I will not be visiting Belarus any time soon. Just saying!

 -Did you know that Jamaica actually has a bobsled team.

 -Did you know that in 1904 Canada won Gold in Golf.  

                                            Another insightful Moe moment

A bris to remember

 One of the greatest honours one can bestow upon another is the request to hold a baby, be the Sandek, at a Bris. This honour is usually reserved for a grandparent, Rabbi, an elder or a very pious person. To my surprise and honour I was asked to be the Sandek at my new grandsons Bris this past week. With this honour however also comes great responsibility. Can I hold the baby securely? Will I flinch? Will the procedure make me uneasy or faint? I asked myself, am I old enough? Am I pious enough? Is there someone more deserving? I did not however ask a very important question, am I tall enough?

 The Mohel was ready and called me by name to approach and sit in the honoured chair, the chair of the prophet Elijah, a large blue velvet covered chair reserved for only this occasion. I stepped forward sat down in the special chair and there sitting proudly in front of family and friends my legs dangled from the chair not quite reaching the floor. “Not Good” said the Mohel since I was responsible to hold the baby securely on my lap, holding down his legs while the Mohel did the cutting without worrying about the baby moving or falling. Quickly thinking, the Mohel grabbed his briefcase and placed it under my legs and proceeded to begin the Bris while I sat there feeling like a 4 year old getting his first haircut at the barbershop.     

 The Mohel proceeded to begin the cut as my grandson lay comfortably on the pillow on my lap. Trying not to watch the actual procedure I stared into my grandsons blue eyes waiting for the Mohel to complete the Bris and make the Blessing afterwards. Listening carefully the Mohel began the cut and said “you don’t see that happen too often”

 I am happy to say everything is fine. My grandson is great, I survived the ordeal, and this is one Bris that neither I nor many of my family or friends will ever forget.                                                                                             

                                     Looking forward to my next Moe moment.