Assembly required.

  We have all had this experience. You purchase a bookcase but it requires some simple assembly, not a problem. You get it home and realize the instructions are not in English.
    Not a problem, there are diagrams and pictures and after all you are a bright fellow and together with that Allen key you can do it. Usually you get most of it assembled only to realize that one piece is backwards or another piece should have been assembled first. Not a problem because taking it apart and putting it back together will be easier the second time.
    You finish it and although slightly wobbly you proudly put it in its right place, put some books on it to make it more stable and you feel good about yourself. You assembled a simple bookcase in only 6 hours! And only a few screws and bolts left over, must be extras they include just in case we lose a few when we open the box.
     Now what about that BBQ? It seems items requiring assembly are getting more and more difficult and complex to assemble. I recently purchased a new BBQ, a family member assembled it, it is working just fine. But I am a little concerned, that screw wasn't there yesterday, not a problem, must be an extra.
 

Unsolved Mysteries

With the recent disappearance of the Malaysian airplane many other unexplained mysteries are also being discussed. These include:
 -The Bermuda Triangle
 -The Loch Ness monster
 -The Taos Hum (look it up!)
 -The crop circles
 -The pyramids
 -Stonehenge
  Sure these are classic unexplained mysteries but what about the classic mysteries we all face on a daily basis?
-How do socks disappear in the wash?
-Why are the Leafs always so bad?
-Why do my car keys always hide on me?
-Why are the Leafs always so bad?
-Why do Sundays always go faster than Mondays?
-Why are the Leafs always so bad?
-How does my dirty laundry always end up clean and back in my drawers?
-Why are the Leafs always so bad?

                                                Good thing I am a Habs fan! GO HABS!

Handle with care

     Many of us have traveled by air and it is not always a wonderful experience. Never mind the long cramped flight, there is always the concern that your luggage may not arrive with you or something may be broken in or stolen from your luggage.
    I once flew to a family wedding in Atlanta. I arrived with my family but my luggage, I was told, arrived in Florida. Not to worry, I was assured the luggage was on its way to Atlanta as we spoke and would be delivered to my hotel with plenty of time to spare before the wedding. It was only Thursday and the wedding was not until Sunday.

   Friday..Saturday...Sunday nothing. My family was off to buy clothes for the wedding Sunday afternoon as my luggage had disappeared and Air Canada had no record of where it was. I borrowed an almost fitting suit and my wife and daughters purchased new dresses. Air Canada did compensate us for the new purchases but what happened to our luggage?

   As we checked out Monday morning from the hotel the reception desk asked us if we knew which Green was missing their luggage as it arrived some time on Sunday to the hotel, however since there were so many Green's staying for the wedding, the hotel did not know who it belonged to. Our luggage was found but what about Air Canada? I called them and they told me that the ticket was still open as they had no new information about the whereabouts of the luggage. 

   To this day Air Canada does not know where my luggage is. They have no record of delivering it to the hotel. The question however remains; with the fabulously well trained Air Canada baggage handlers that they have, how is it possible that they have no record of my luggage or even lose or break anything in anyone's luggage?  

    Maybe the below video, shot from an Air Canada plane last week, could answer this most puzzling mystery?        

My new best friend

  I was at a beautiful hotel recently. Gorgeous weather, nice pool, great food. It was a time to relax read my new book, Inferno, and grab some quiet time.
   Like all nice resorts, you need to get to the pool early to grab that perfect chair, put your towel down to reserve it for the day and then sit back and enjoy the peaceful time.
  I find the spot, eye the chair, grab it before anyone else can, sit down open my book and let the day begin.
  Then it happens the chair next to you becomes occupied and this guy doesn't have a book or for that matter any reading material or anything else to do but become your "best friend".
 You try very hard not to make eye contact but it does not help, the inquisition begins. What is your name? Where are you from? Enjoying the weather? What do you do? How is the food?  I am trying to read, I am answering with one word sentences, I am hoping the inquisition will be short lived, but it keeps going. How many kids do you have? Do you know so and so also from Toronto?...We have all met this guy either at a resort, on a plane, at a party, it is always the same guy with the same questions trying to become your friend. I am really not looking for a new friend for the next couple of days.
  But then my new best friend asks the wrong question! How is your book? He gives me an out. How the hell do I know how my book is? I haven't had a minute of quiet to read it!
  So I answer....wonderful thanks for asking.
My new best friend and I are planning to vacation together in Miami next year. I can't wait.

Trouble keeping my pants on!

 I was walking down the street the other day and I watched as a young man was running down the street trying to catch a bus, although he ran as fast as he could he missed the bus. Why? Because as he ran he was slowed down, needing one hand to keep his pants from falling down.
  Today it is becoming more and more difficult for men to keep their pants from falling down. When men wore suits every day it was not a problem, but times have changed. Women have purses men just have pant pockets. Many of us already have our maturing physique and gravity to overcome in order to keep our pants from falling down, but now in addition to our great physical shape we just have too many items and too much weight in our pockets that are pushing our pants to our knees. Have you ever noticed how many guys constantly do the "lift and tuck". That's because our pants are working their way down to our socks.
 When I am with my wife I am fine because I give her most of my items to carry but when I am alone it is a constant battle. Just look at what I have to deal with:
-Car keys, two sets!
-House keys.
-Work keys.
-Wallet with more and more cards, credit cards, loyalty cards, gas cards, license, health card....
-Loose change, big loonies, bigger toonies ....
-Phone hanging on my belt and sometimes one in my pocket.
-Gum or Listerine pocket packs.
-Pen and paper.
-Items picked up during the day and stowed in my pockets, business cards, notes, reminders...
How are we expected to keep our pants on?  Do we need to start carrying purses? I for one will not be the first to start the trend, however, I just might be the second?

We win again!

    Well, Classic Care did it again. I am proud to say that we won the OLTCA/ORCA best exhibitor award again. I believe it is the 4th time in 5 years. We thank all of you who visited our exhibit and voted for us.
    As always the competition was fierce and I began wondering how should one celebrate such an auspicious occasion. What do other famous repeat winners do? So began my journey into award winners and celebrations. Then I found it. A comparable award. An award coveted by many North American cities and an award celebrated annually.
  "The Most Colourful Award" this award celebrates the city with the most colourful squirrels. Black, Grey, Brown and yes White! The same squirrels that damage our homes and inevitably splatter our roads.
   The cities who compete for this award include: Olney Tennessee, Marionville Missouri, Brevard NC, and Exeter Ontario. The winner is our own Exeter.
    Exeter Ontario, a city which Classic Care services, a city with a population of about 5000, a city which not only claims to have the most colourful squirrels but is possibly the most northern city in the world with white squirrels. So how does Exeter celebrate this wonderful recognition?
-They have a mascot, White Wonder, who leads the annual White Squirrel Festival.
-They have made up a song and video to celebrate this wonderful achievement. See below.

-They have little white squirrels on their lamp posts. -They have squirrel profiles on garbage cans. -They have iron cut-outs in a variety of squirrel poses up and down the main strip.    Exeter knows how to celebrate. Thank you Exeter you have taught us much. The always colourful Classic Care will attempt to emulate you. Pill mascots, Pill garbage cans, Pill lamp posts and maybe even Pill cut-outs. We will start with the Classic Care Video. See below as well.

Careful when flying

   Does anyone actually enjoy flying. From start to finish it is a total inconvenience. The wait in one line after another. Removing shoes, jackets, belts, hats...and still you may be selected for a "random search". The $5 bottle of water you are forced to buy because you can't bring one from home!
 Then there is the wait at the gate hoping the plane is on time and don't you like how half the passengers get in line to board before they actually announce boarding. This reduces the likelihood that you will find a spot for your carry on to almost zilch.
    Of course once on the plane the seats are cramped, they serve the smallest possible glass of beverage and the line up waiting for someone to finish in that tiny bathroom is disgusting, but although the whole experience is really quite unpleasant I really don't mind flying.
   When on the plane I generally try to work a little, sleep a little, and watch a few movies.  I was once on a flight, sitting in bulk head, when I decided to watch a movie. Of course with the seats so close together you always have to be careful which movie you are going to select. I was told about a very funny movie that was available and I decided to turn it on, put my seat back and try to enjoy the flight. If you have ever sat in bulk head you will remember that the small touch screen is on the wall in front of the seat and slightly elevated so all passengers have a clear view of what you are watching.
   I am relaxed, my seat is NOT in the upright position, and the movie begins. It may have been a funny movie but it was also totally inappropriate. Here I am, Yarmalka on my head, with "scantily dressed" women on my screen in full view of the entire plane. And being in the bulk head it is not easy stopping the movie as it is not easily reachable. You need to bring your chair upright, loosen the seat belt and jump up to stop the movie.
   Although I was slightly uncomfortable it could have been worse. Take a look at what this guy below had to endure on his flight. Probably no movies at all for him.

Bless you!

When I was growing up the word fart was considered a four letter word. When my children were young they were also taught the word fart was rude and unacceptable.

   Times have changed though. I recently read my 6 year old grandson and my 2 year old granddaughter ‘Walter the Farting Dog’. A lovely book about a dog that has rectal flatulence, as the vet in the book calls it, with Walter saving the day with his special talent.

   Although the word fart may be rude and unacceptable, farting was always considered funny. Blazing Saddles has a classic campfire scene. There are even aged old products like the whoopee cushion that remains a best seller.

   It is interesting that when infants smile we all assume it is gas. How does a little baby already know that farting is funny? 

  So why was or is fart considered a bad word. Is belch a bad word? Burp? Hiccup? Sneeze? Cough?  They are all bodily functions usually accompanied by a sound. I have heard many disgusting belches and sneezes!
 Could it be the source of the word? Fart is from the Middle English words ferten , feortan, or farten. All wonderful words I am sure our grandparents used quite often in Europe. 

  I think its time to welcome the fart to our daily lives, like a cough, a sneeze or a belch. And maybe, just maybe, say "bless you" when hearing one.

                     Just one way I think we can make this world a funnier place to live.