To Serve and Protect

  Have you noticed that the OPP is making it more and more difficult to spot them on the highways? I passed an unmarked OPP "Mini Van" the other day. A Mini Van? I say its not fair! All Police vehicles should look the same otherwise we will never know when to slow down.
  What do OPP officers actually do? I know municipal police take care of crimes and city driving, RCMP officers handle federal matters like drugs.. so what do OPP officers actually do all day? I looked it up and it seems in smaller towns where there is no local police force the OPP provides policing services. They also are responsible for the highways, the waterways and security at Queens Park.
  So what do these guy do in the GTA area? Police the highways, boat the waterways, and hang out at Queens park! I don't think many are needed at Queens Park and I also don't think we have that many police boats patrolling our Toronto waterways. So that leaves the vast majority of OPP officers hiding along the highways.    
   These are fit, intelligent, strong officers sitting in their cars all day. I say that if these officers are going to spend their days on the highways then why not put them to work. They are supposed to serve and protect. It's time they start serving. lets get them fixing the pot holes, changing the lights and repaving the highways and if a car dangerously speeds by they can take turns chasing them. That would be serving and protecting as a team! It would also give us a team in Toronto to be proud of.
  

SLIG

I was in beautiful office building the other day that has exceptional washrooms. There is even a little shelf  in the stalls to put your phone on with additional space for a pen and a small pad of paper. I guess this is important for those businesses whose staff must be available 24/7.
 Attached to the inside of the door in the washroom was a clean up log. Signed and dated at precisely what time the washroom was checked with a spot for comments if needed. As I was washing my hands in walked a gentleman took a look around and signed off on the cleanliness of the bathroom. All was in order and in the comment section he wrote: SLIG

Of course with the warped mind I have I had to know what SLIG meant. Could It mean, Something Left In Garbage?  I checked the garbage it looked normal, no need to comment on it. So after getting home I looked up on the internet  SLIG and below is a picture that came up.
 Needless to say I won't be using that bathroom any time soon.

                           Although it could also mean "Soap Level Is Good"

Being short

I am sure that many of you have noticed, I am vertically challenged, short. Although being short is not a big problem it does have some inconveniences.

 -If you golf, you must customize your clubs.

 -Being in an elevator with all tall people can be uncomfortable.

 -Placing carry-ons in the overhead compartments can be difficult.

 -Purchasing clothing however is the biggest challenge. You can’t just go to Moore’s and buy a shirt or a pair of pants. I am calling out to all you short guys who think you can buy clothes at regular stores and simply get them altered. Ever wonder why the pocket on your shirt is just above your belt? And what about those pants? You may shorten the length of those pants but have you given any thought to the crotch? They were made for a guy 6 feet tall. When you sit down in those pants they become tee-pee pants because every time you sit down a tent is created. Have you noticed your suit jacket, it goes down to your knees! Ever wonder why they have stores specifically for short people, Like Browns?  Because THEY FIT!  So listen up fellow short people get it together and start looking as good as those tall guys.
 And to leave you with a little misconception, not all short people have small feet.
                                                                                                            

Who really is number one?

  Have you ever listened to a radio station and you hear "We are the number 1 radio station..." All radio stations say it, they are all number 1. How can this be? Truth be told they never state number 1 of what? Most commercials? Most talking? Most 70's songs....Every radio station finds some category, no matter how obscure, that they are number 1 and then advertise that they are number 1.
 With this in mind, who is the number 1 most famous Canadian? We have many Canadians who have made significant contributions in the world.
 Alexander Graham Bell the inventor of the phone? Fred Banting the scientist who discovered Insulin? Terry Fox remembered every year with the Terry Fox Run? Laura Secord the heroine from 1812 and of course the Chocolate Queen?  Wayne Gretzky or Bobby Orr, arguably the two best players ever to play hockey?
  In entertainment we have Leonard Cohen, Celine Dion, Shania Twain and of course Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Anyone of these Canadians could be our most famous brother or sister.
 So how is it possible that last week Avril Lavigne was named, by MIT, as the world's most famous Canadian? I would argue that if you asked 100 people throughout the world who is the most famous Canadian Avril Lavigne would certainly not be the winner and possibly would not even be mentioned.
 Of course it is not said what she is most famous for? According to MIT,when entering certain data into their computer and then calculating hits and visits and all other internet information Avril Lavigne comes up as the most famous Canadian. Perhaps then, she is the most famous Canadian, visited by many young unemployed people from all over the world who own computers, have access to the internet and have nothing else to do but surf the net.
 I myself would like to think that in the eyes of the world Canada is a country that has made major contributions to the world and I would therefore submit that they consider William Shatner as the world's most famous Canadian.

Fantasy Realized

I believe everyone has fantasies. Whether it be winning the lottery, traveling to exotic places or scoring the winning goal in the seventh game of the Stanley Cup final, we all fantasize about something. Most of our fantasies are probably unrealistic and some too dangerous to act upon but some may just be attainable if we would choose to be bold and brave.
I have had a certain fantasy for a number of years and as I got older and slightly more mature I realized I wanted to make this fantasy a reality.
My fantasy?  Bold colourful dress socks. No more plain black or brown socks for me, I now wear multi coloured socks with bright coloured designs and I am not going back. These socks give me the confidence to stand up and be noticed.They bring joy and happiness to others. They make this world a better place to live.
  So I urge those of you who are timid. Go out and buy a pair of VERY colourful dress socks and at your next meeting or family gathering slide your chair back a few feet from the table and cross your legs so everyone can see your socks. It will change your life forever.
   Always remember what Neil Armstrong declared after wearing his first pair of multi coloured socks, "One small step for man one giant leap for mankind".

swearing

Is it wrong to swear? We hear it on TV and in the movies. It’s in the books we read, on the streets we walk and we even hear it occasionally in meetings we attend. Politicians swear, parents swear, and definitely young people swear.

Pope Francis used a swear word during his weekly blessing last week. The Pope, who speaks fluent Italian, used the word "cazzo" — which translates to the word "penis," but for Italians it is synonymous with the f-word. He made the mistake while encouraging Catholics to share their wealth. Not sure what a penis has to do with sharing one’s wealth unless he was referring to sharing the family jewels. The Pope didn’t even flinch when he made the mistake, he corrected himself, and continued. I am not sure though whether his point was too well received. If the Pope had made the comment in Canada he could have been arrested. In the Canadian criminal code section 175(1) one is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction for swearing in public.

  There have been many attempts by various work places to end swearing and I refer you to the Bud Swear Jar commercial below. It is worth a few minutes of your time and may make your work place a more enjoyable place.

 

 

I try not to swear but I do find it funny when it is used just at the right time. There is a great book called Go the F…to sleep by Adam Mansbach. You can find it below, narrated by Samual L Jackson, and it too is well worth watching, especially if you have young children. I do caution however,  there is a lot of swearing so please don't watch it with your children.

 

 

Swearing may be rude and uncouth but so is our Toronto mayor so I guess we are going to have to live with both.

 

A must see for freezing Canadians

Someone sent me this great video as a response to my snowy day:

A good neighbor?

Yesterday I carpooled to the office with a neighbor, in his car, and we decided, because of the snow, that we would park the car at the Finch subway station and take the train to work. My neighbor though was going to the raptors game after work so I offered to return home by train and drive his car home for him.

 If anyone has taken the subway from the Finch station you would know how big the parking lot is. It could be a 15-20 minute walk from your car to the subway. But we were lucky yesterday. Although seeming to be a mirage there was an empty spot, a little tight, against the southern fence that was only a 10 minute walk to the subway. All was good.

  My return home began a little after 5 hoping to be home by 6 for a nice dinner.

Now I am not sure what the worst part of the trip home was:

-The young boy sitting next to me repeating “Harvey” over and over again for 50 minutes? All I could think about was “Harveys makes a hamburger a beautiful thing”

-The subway delay, as a power outage forced the train to a stand still for close to half an hour? As “Harvey” continued.

-The brutal wind and cold as I walked through the snow to the car at Finch station ?

-The realization that the snow plows plowed in the car because we were parked along a fence?

-Cleaning the snow off the car which was even more difficult as the spot was tight and being parked along the fence it was very difficult getting to the windshield?

-Watching my yarmulke, like a flying saucer, take off from my head in the wind, flying over a 10 foot embankment and fence only for me to watch and wave goodbye?

-the additional 40 minute drive to get home through traffic?

-climbing up my neighbor’s 20 treacherous snow buried steps to return the keys to the car?

-Or thinking about my neighbor sitting quite comfortably at the Raptors game with a beer and hot dog in his hand as I spent the last 2 hours trying to get home.

Why not just lick my fingers

   I am not a true germaphobe but I do try to avoid other people’s germs. I like my personal space, I dislike close talkers(like on Seinfeld), and generally I try to keep my germs to myself.                                                                                  

 When I take a subway I will never touch the handrail and if a seat looks particularly dirty I will not sit on it. If someone coughs or sneezes on me I am totally grossed out and if someone mistakenly spits on me I am close to being nauseous.

 But, I think this is normal. I would suggest that most of us are like this. No one likes sharing germs or being spit upon.

 So what’s the story with POPCORN?

 Have you ever had popcorn at a party or a movie? One strange hand after another goes into the popcorn bowl, removing a few kernels, proceeding to place this popcorn, hand and fingers into the mouth only to return to the popcorn bowl for another handful. We all do this. How many germs are in this bowl?  Have you ever seen a scooper in a popcorn bowl? Why not? Maybe we should start having personal popcorn bowls.

  I have been to many dinner parties where the hostess places a large bowl of popcorn on the table to be shared as part of the dessert. No one flinches. What if she would put a big touraine of soup in the middle of the table and gives everyone a spoon, would we take one spoon after another directly from the Touraine? Why is this different than popcorn sharing?

 
   I will continue to eat popcorn but I will also be more attentive to who else is diving in. If I don’t like the way a person looks in a hot tub I don’t go in. The same will now apply to popcorn. For those of you who don’t look too good be happy because there is going to be a lot more popcorn for each of you

No one likes change!

I am all for change that makes our daily lives a little bit easier. Life can be difficult and any assistance that makes things just a little easier I believe would be welcome by all.

  Some changes however I am not ready for. I do believe in gender equality but must we have shared public bathrooms? Twice recently I have had occasion to share public washrooms with ladies.

  I was at a Mall recently and the washrooms in that mall were large shared public washrooms for both males and female. Five stalls in a row and five sinks next to each other in an open area. A couple of ladies entered the washrooms only to see me washing my hands. They all took a second look at the door thinking that either they were in the wrong washroom or I was. I warmly invited them in informing them that we are in the 21^st century where everything is shared. One stayed and the other decided to go elsewhere.

  Like most people I try to avoid public washrooms whenever I can but there are times when it is unavoidable. And it is particularly at these times when a guy would really prefer to be in a bathroom with only his fellow man. Do we really need to worry about who is standing just outside that door?

  The second occasion was at a movie theatre. The washroom was men only, however as I stood there, along with a few of my fellow urinators, a female responsible for the cleanliness of this washroom had no reservations about cleaning the bathroom, stalls, urinals, sinks, while we were all standing there. I was glad the bathroom was being cleaned but could it not wait 5 minutes?

  If these changes are here to stay I would like to suggest that we establish proper public bathroom etiquette? Perhaps post the rules on the door entering the washroom as well as inside the stalls. Atleast it would provide everyone with some reading material. I am curious though; when a man is in a stall and there might be a lady waiting just a few feet away is there something additional we men must do or perhaps something we men must stop doing? Should I not, for example, be raising or lowering the toilet seat with my foot?  

  Maybe I am getting old. Perhaps, as I am told, I need to travel to Europe to see how the rest of the world lives. Both may be true, but I still like a mens only bathroom where a man can drop his pants and not have a care in the world.                                                                  

 

True Patriot Love

  Thank goodness for the CRTC, the Canadian radio-television and telecommunications commission, an organization whose mandate is entrusted to them by the Parliament of Canada, and administered through the Minister of Canadian Heritage. An organization funded by all of our hard earned tax dollars and which is continually concerned about the preservation of our Canadian people and culture.                                                          
   So when the CRTC issued a warning and reprimand this week to three Canadian television channels for insufficient broadcasting of Canadian content and for failing to provide close-caption we should all be proud of how well our tax dollars are spent.

  In case you are curious as to which TV stations these are, they are AOV, XXX and Maleflixx. That is correct three Adult Porn stations.
  Not enough Canadian content and no close-caption? Are they kidding? How do they even know that there is insufficient Canadian content? Is it the accents that give it away? Do Canadian porn stars differ from other porn stars? Are we more polite? Does anyone really care?
  What about the CRTC requirement that Canadian stations cater to the blind by offering audio description? One can only imagine.
   I am not sure how the CRTC operates, but if they hire people to watch these channels and then have them report on Canadian content compared to foreign content than I am sure they have a long waiting list for job opportunities. I wonder whether this job can be done at home late at night after a regular full days work?
  Atleast the next time I sing the national anthem I will know that the CRTC are concerned about  “true patriot love”.                                      

 

new fad diet

I don’t think it needs to be said that I dislike shopping. I believe that most men despise shopping. Whether it’s for food or clothing it is not our favorite activity and we try to avoid it at all costs.                                                                                                          

 But this has all changed. I was recently shopping at a large grocery store and I discovered that people believe that it is actually permitted to eat the food at the store without purchasing the item. I was walking down the fruit aisle and there I saw a middle aged woman, an obvious seasoned shopper, eating grapes as she was looking around at the produce. The grapes were not in her cart but still sitting on the shelf in their little container as she was enjoying one grape after another.

 A few minutes later I passed an elderly gentleman, again an experienced shopper, next to the chip shelf and to my surprise he was eating chips right out of a bag still sitting on the shelf. He did not appear to be confused just obviously a little hungry for a snack. I lingered to see whether he intended to purchase the chips and when he finished munching he closed up the bag and pushed it to the back of the shelf.

 So I asked myself do stores know about this and permit it ?  Do they account for it in their budget, perhaps under a category called “goods eaten”?  If so can I also eat while shopping?

   I think this could be the next fad diet. Whenever you are hungry for munchies, run to your local grocery store, open a bag of chips, a chocolate bar or maybe a package of cookies, eat all you can until they see you. Then run. This way you limit your snacking and get in some exercise at the same time.  

                                             

They eat giraffes

I love animals and I have visited many zoos over the years with my children. So when I read about what happened in a Denmark zoo last week it caught my attention. It was reported that a healthy two year old giraffe, called Marius, was slaughtered with a bolt gun, publicly dissected in front of schoolchildren and fed to the lions. The zoo claims that the giraffe had certain genetic issues and therefore had to be destroyed. They also stated that we should all grow up and not be so sensitive, children can handle these situations as this is nature. Are they right, are we all too sensitive?  Should we be more like the Danish?

   Denmark, a country that has banned kosher slaughtering of animals because “Animal welfare takes precedence over religion and minority rights". 
   Denmark, a country that published Muslim cartoons regardless of the outrage it would cause in the Muslim world.
   Denmark, a country that lost 16 soldiers in WWII after surrendering to Nazi Germany after a full two hours of fighting. (They did however rescue the 8000 Jews living in Denmark by evacuating them to Sweden)
   Denmark, a country currently ranked as the happiest country in the world? If you dislike minorities, are insensitive and have shares in Lego.
   I think Denmark was wrong to dissect the giraffe in front of children, but then again who can take any people called Danish seriously.