To be a Browns Fan

Mr. Entsminger "was an accomplished musician, loved playing the guitar and was a member of the Old Fogies Band." He was also a "lifelong Cleveland Browns fan and season ticket holder."
Entsminger wasn't just your average Browns fan: He apparently wrote a song each year about the Browns, which he sent to the team along with advice about how to run the organization. He never once got a response back.
He was such a big Browns fan that the family encouraged everyone attending his funeral last week to wear clothes supporting the team. But here's the real kicker -- he wanted his pallbearers to be Browns players.
Why? Well ...
"He respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time."
GO STEELERS!

The Ice Buckley's Challenge

I dare everyone to do the Buckley's challenge. You thought pouring ice water on your head was painful try a spoonful of Buckley's cough medicine. It is vile, horrible, the worst tasting thing I have ever had. Go ahead and try it. Let me know how it goes. Just don't take it in front of children.

                                     

It is a sign!

Many of us have come to crossroads in our lives, whether it be personal, in our careers or otherwise. How do we make a decision that could be life changing?  I believe you have to look for signs. There are always signs, all you need to do is recognize them. I came across such a sign this week however, I am unsure what it was telling me.

  

Its about time!

We have all experienced the pain, no matter how diligent we are and aware of our immediate surroundings. Sometimes we just don't see it coming and then suddenly the pain is excruciating. We scream and blame others but it is really nobody's fault, it is just too difficult to prevent all unforeseen incidents.
You know what I am talking about. Stepping barefoot on a lego piece. The pain is sudden and unbearable. But now there is a solution:

Too bored?

 There are totally ridiculous television stations available on cable right now. You have the Fireplace station, the Aquarium station, the Sun Setting station, the Cottage station, the Leaves station and my favorite the Candy station! It is a picture of candies 24/7 accompanied with music. If you don't believe me check out AMBIENT TV on your cable network.
 Does anyone actually watch these programs? How bored do you have to be to actually turn on one of these stations? What type of person watches the Candy station? Put a piece of cake in front of me and it is gone in seconds. Turn on a candy station and I would weigh 300lbs within a week. Maybe it should be called the calorie station.
 I think the Candy station should come with a warning like other programs.
"Please be advised the following program may cause violence, nudity, coarse language, hyper activity, and thousands of calories, watching this station may be a serious threat to your health. Viewer discretion is advised"

I could have been a Doctor

 When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor,

so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

The first questions asked was to rearrange the

letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part

which is most useful when erect.

 Those who answered spine are doctors today. 
 The rest of us are writing or reading stupid Blogs!

Have a great flight.

I travel quite a bit but rarely watch the safety video, although I probably should. I feel comfortable with the workings of the seat belt, I know to head toward the emergency doors if needed and if that oxygen cup falls from the ceiling I think I will be able to put it on, and then help others. New Zealand Air is concerned though that most passengers do not watch the safety video and as such they have decided to do something about it. This safety video is real and plays on their flights.

         Take a look,safe travels and see you in New Zealand.   

       

Save the ducks!

I have a raccoon that has decided the steps of my back deck are his personal toilet. Every morning I awake to a pile of crap on the steps, smelly and disgusting. After a quick visit to Bass Pro Shop I was ready to tackle the problem armed with Critter Ridder, Pigeon spikes and Coyote Urine. It seems to be working.
When paying for the items the cashier asked me whether I would like to donate $2 to "save the ducks". Save the ducks? From what? Who is killing ducks? Never the less I donated the $2 hoping I would make a difference in the life of at least one duck.

That night on Fox News I saw a video which made me realize I was ripped off. It seems someone else had already saved the ducks!

Looking Good.

Are we healthier and younger looking than our parent's generation? I remember pictures of my grandparents looking so old and being told they were about 50 years old in the picture.  Is 60 the new 40 or 50 the new 30? I keep hearing it and although I would like to believe it, I am waiting for scientific proof. With all the new medical technology why have we not seen proof that 50 is the new 30? Are we not better looking and in better shape?
Well the proof is finally here. Where else should we look other than at the James Bond girls. Always known to be beautiful and young. The new 2015 James Bond girl is Monica Bellucci, not to be confused with Monica Lewinsky.  A 51 year old woman. Proof that 50 is the new 30!

Ashley Madison

We are all aware about what happened at Ashley Madison. Does anyone really care? Probably not! The business is not expected to survive. However, if you believe in capitalism you never want to see a business go under. If they do want to survive they will need to reinvent themselves, create a new angle, offer more than just an affair. Look at the sign below. I think it may work!                  
                                   

Hero or Putz?

A Tennessee bride proved she really is on-call 24/7 when she left her wedding to fulfill her duties as a paramedic by responding to a car wreck in the area that involved her own relatives, ABC News reported. She left in the middle of the wedding ceremony when she was told her father and grandparents were in a car accident.
"There are a lot of people that are using the word 'hero,'" Sarah Ray of Clarksville, Tennessee, told ABC News today. "I don’t think what we did was heroic. It's just anything that any first-responder would have done."
What a nice story, but perhaps some one can explain to me why the hero did not wait for her father and grandparents to get to the wedding before starting the ceremony? Maybe her father was speeding because he knew his daughter was not going to wait. Hero or Putz?

Bees!

   I attend quite a few business events where I am required to socialize over a few drinks, with people I have just met, pretending that I am interested in the small talk, hoping, that a conversation with someone will result in a new business lead.
  I was recently at a meeting with various businesses in a local community looking for new contacts. I then committed a cardinal sin. If you notice that guy. The one who people seem to be ignoring, there is usually a reason. Listen to your gut and do not approach!  However, being who I am, I approached and asked "so what business are you in"?
 Bee keeping! Now, there is nothing wrong with bee keeping, it is actually a very interesting job. But did I need an hour lecture about bees? Did you know that there are funeral bees, pharmacy bees and feeding bees? Did you know that when a bee is really sick it flies out of the hive and dies. Did you know that in the winter bees don't hibernate but actually need to eat and be kept warm. I bet you did not know that bees cuddle all winter to stay warm. I could even explain to you what a bee keeper needs to do every day to ensure his hives survive the winter. Bees can even be trained, see below.
 If I was in the farming industry this may have been a great contact but since I am in the health industry all I wanted to do was go home and take two tylenol.

Trained bomb sniffing bees

Too Polite?

The entire global community claims we Canadians are too polite. They make fun of us. I too find myself very quick to say sorry, excuse me, or pardon me. As a proud Canadian I think it is the right thing to do and I will continue to do so. But let me pose a philosophical question to you:

"Not smarter than the average bear"

 Did you hear about this guy who wore a bear costume — head and all — and was harassing a mother bear and two cubs trying to feed on pink salmon in an Alaska river.

 The incident happened last week on the Chilkoot River, no one is quite sure what the man was trying to accomplish other than getting himself killed.

A crowd had gathered to watch the bears, as they have frequently showed up there to feed, when a man decked out in a bear outfit ran through the area. The lunatic began to jump up and down, and then got to within five feet of the cubs.

 Game technician Lou Cenicola tried to talk to the man, but the man refused to identify himself, and jumped into his car and drove off without ever removing the costume.

 If warranted, the man could face wildlife harassment charges and for trying to impersonate a bear.

 I would say that this guy is NOT smarter than the average bear.
                                               

 

 

 

               

Northern lights

I just checked off another dream from my bucket list although the dream was a little cloudy. I spent a week last Tuesday in Yellowknife (old joke still funny). Yellowknife where the days never end and the nights come to life. I always wanted to see the Aurora Borealis or better known as the Northern Lights. It is a long flight on two planes to get to the North West Territories, above the 60th parallel, but rumour is it's worth it.
Not much to see in Yellowknife other than the Northern Lights. One can tour the entire city in a few minutes leaving plenty of time for a nap before the late light show. Only one obstacle stands in your way from experiencing a light show of your life, the weather. If it rains or is cloudy the lights don't come out to play and the two nights I was there, it was mostly rainy and cloudy.
I joined a tour to see the lights, I was picked up at 1030 pm and the chase was on. Similar to storm chasers, our guide, Joe Buffalo Child, chased the clear sky by satellite, wind direction, weather reports and personal experience. We chased the skies until 230 am and did luckily get a glimpse of the fabulous Northern Lights. My return flight was 6 am so not much time to sleep but I did accomplish my mission. Too bad I am too tired to remember it.  

Advertising

Some advertising is very creative and humorous. Others, well, you wonder who could have possibly thought it was good. Look at the one below, great or horrible?

The Belty

Our lives, in many respects, have been made so much easier because of the countless ways technology has made things better, simpler and more convenient.
The Belty is one such innovation. A new smart belt that automatically loosens during meals as you are eating. No longer will you have to loosen that belt manually when you eat too much and feel that tightness around your belly. Now you can keep stuffing your face while the belt, through an app, will chart your waistline and adjust your loops accordingly. I love technology and look forward to buying a Belty and hoping some day for a Pantsy, Shirtsy and Boxery.
                                                         And it's so stylish as well!

The Ponderosa

I was driving to Hamilton this week and I passed a sign on the highway, one of those blue provincial signs indicating tourist attractions, golf courses.. This sign was for the Ponderosa Family Nudist Camp. I don't get it. Why do we feel a need to advertise a nudist camp and more perplexing a FAMILY nudist camp? And what exactly is a FAMILY nudist camp and is it even legal? I decided to google it and found their rules and regulations.
1-Behavior or activities which disrupt the harmony of the camp will not be permitted. Disrupt the harmony? Everyone is naked!!!
2-Always use a towel to sit on. Is this because the chairs get hot?
3-Enjoy making friends but respect other's privacy? What privacy? Everyone is standing around naked.
4-All persons MUST be nude when using the swimming pool, hot tub or sauna. What about bathing caps?
5-Picnics only in the picnic area only. A picnic in the nude?  Are mosquitos not allowed?
6-Campfires restricted to fire rings only. Try roasting marshmallows naked, it may get hot near that crackling fire.
 They have tennis courts, volleyball, football and baseball fields. Who would ever play football naked? Who is tackling that 300 lb naked guy?
So tell me what are children doing in a place like this and how do we allow it!
                                                Ben Cartwright would not be happy!!

                                        Although the place in the picture below does look great!

Sweating like a pig

There is a heat wave in the world. We all love the summer except when it gets too hot. It is so hot in Switzerland that the army has been employed to cool down the cows and pigs. They are bringing in fresh drinking water by erecting eight artificial reservoirs to supply the animals with water. In Italy farmers are providing AC, fans and showers for their cows and pigs. People are dying in Europe from the heat and humidity but the cows and pigs are enjoying first class accommodations with fresh cool drinking water, air conditioned rooms, and cool showers. See the helicopter delivering water below.
Oh to be a cow or pig in Europe!

Golf Tips

It's golf season and with an aim to improve my game I bought the latest Golf Digest hoping to pick up a few tips. I immediately found a helpful article on how to eliminate "stubbing" the ball.
"Take your regular set up, then open your stance by turning your left foot counter clockwise a few  degrees. Then shift a bit more weight, 20 percent more, over your flared left foot, and turn your belly button just a bit to the left, letting your knees slide with your belly as you rotate" Huh??
I guess I will have to stick to my old game.  https://youtu.be/qUj_qqVxVrE
                                            
                                                     

Daddy is the best

There is an age old question: who do children prefer mommy or daddy? There is finally a scientific study with the results below. And as I always assumed Daddy wins!

Bank Get Away

I think the hardest part of any bank robbery is the get away. You always need a guy outside with the car running. The escape route has to be perfectly planned. If you don't have a car waiting outside you will need a subway nearby or huge crowds to blend into. The quick get away is the most important aspect of any bank robbery.
So explain this to me? The guy below robs a bank in New York City in a wheel chair and he is still on the loose. The only way this is possible is if he got his wheel chair from Motion Specialties.

Summer greetings

It's summer, the weather is fabulous. Many of us will be taking time off to spend with family and friends. We need to make the most of every beautiful summer day. So to all my friends may every day this summer be a Green Day.

Airport security solution

I have heard about a great new airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.

It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

 This as a win-win situation for everyone and economical as well. It avoids racial profiling and also eliminates the costs of long expensive trials.

 You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

 

"Attention to all standby passengers, Flight 681 is pleased to announce a seat is now available on flight 670 to London .

 

Mickey wants to expose himself.

Big fight looming at Disney World. The people in the costumes want to come out and identify themselves! The guy wearing Mickey wants to be able to tell his friends and family that he is Mickey. Disney wants to keep them under costume to keep the fantasy alive!
If  Disney wants to create fantasies , I think they would be better off giving out Cinderella's phone number. Just saying.
                                          

Sponsorship available

I love competitive sports and since I am not getting any younger I am considering competing in this years Pan Am games. After looking over the competition in the different events I think my best chance is the high diving competition. It looks easy, safe and fun. Launching from the three-metre springboard I would perform a dizzying combination of flips and twists, somersaults and rotations in both pike (legs straight) and tuck (legs pulled close to the body) positions while trying to get extra points based on the level of difficulty and execution. Of course I would ensure the splashing would be non existent. Check out my competition, and take notice of the scores awarded. Now, who wants to sponsor me and have their company name prominently displayed on my outfit? I think I have a pretty good chance to tie these guys.
http://www.tsn.ca/video/must-see-epic-fail-by-diving-splash-brothers-1.305683

G7 World leaders

   Well the G7 world leaders are meeting again, this time in Germany. I am sure everyone remembers when the G7 meetings were held a few years ago in Toronto and Huntsville? This is a very important summit, where the most powerful and wealthy world leaders meet to discuss the most pressing world issues.
  I can't remember what issues they actually addressed in Toronto or what was achieved but I do remember what we, the taxpayers of Canada, were required to purchase for these powerful leaders. The items included:
-$14,000 worth of glow sticks. I would loved to have seen these Presidents and Prime Ministers playing with glow sticks.
-$13,000 for miscellaneous textiles, headgear and umbrellas.
-$14,000 for binoculars.

-$74,000 for defibrillators. This I understand. We had to be prepared in case every single person at the summit had a heart attack at the same time.
-$17,000 worth of snacks. I appreciate a good snack,  but I would really like to know what kind of snacks they provided for $17,000 and did they really need those snacks?  

  Maybe I am just not sophisticated enough to understand the needs of the world's elite. They obviously don't eat chips or popcorn as snacks. We can't expect them to look at the weather report before getting here to determine if they should bring a hat or an umbrella. And of course after a long day solving the world's problems perhaps a glow stick is just what they need for relaxation.  

   I am just glad these guys running the world take it so seriously, Hey Obama don't work too hard!

Obama working hard at the G7 in Germany

!

The Whizzard.

Have you ever fantasized about getting the high score in a video game? Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where George had the high score in the Frogger? Well its Moe's time!
 The Whizzard is coming to Canada!  A new video game powered by, you guessed it, whizz. Your stream powers the game by aiming and attacking various targets.  It comes with an LED screen affixed above the urinal to watch your progress. Take Pee-nalty shots, steer a race car, the ideas are endless. The more you whizz the higher your score. Guys are going to WANT to get up 4-5 times a night.
Gentleman on your mark, get set ,GO and keep GOING.............
                

Dinner and a story.

I just read in the paper about something new and exciting. Effectively immediately when you buy a certain lobster you will be able to scan the lobster to determine who caught it and by what means. Did they use the dreaded wooden wire cage or the more comfortable vinyl wire trap. Can someone explain this to me. Why would any one care who and how their lobster was caught? Is it an animal rights issue? Are we soon going to demand the same for the chicken or cow? What farm did it come from? What was its name?
But let me understand more about the lobster. We care about the treatment of the lobster when caught but then we get it home we toss it live into a boiling pot of water?????  Poor Sabastian.

.                                               

Where bad ideas come from!

Have you ever been in a meeting when someone comes up with an idea that is so ridiculous you wonder if they have any clue as to what is being discussed? Have they been sleeping the last half an hour?  How did they ever get their job? A little advice for these geniuses:

Dangers of golf

Golf is a very dangerous sport. Frustration always on the brink, absolute silence insisted on before every shot and clubs, irons and woods all within arms length ready for battle. Not to mention alcohol available virtually the entire round. To make things worse, with every errant shot one must yell FORE to let everyone on the course know what a bad shot you just made. Definitely not relaxing.
  I was golfing this week and was lucky to avoid injury. I say thank you JC for not letting anything happen to me. JC was driving and although we avoided any mishaps I can't say the same thing about another driver that day. Was it a bad shot? Alcohol? Total frustration? Could be anything. So next time you are golfing be careful. Be very careful!
                                                                        

Go Leafs Go!

I have been a Montreal Canadian's fan for many years and trashing the Leafs is just part of the game. However, after the last two Montreal losses to Tampa Bay I am thinking maybe the picture below is not just a coincidence. Well at least WE are in the playoffs! 

 

Started my new job.

                                                                  I love my new job

Guns and Peas

An Alabama middle school has devised a new way to protect their students from a potential intruder. They requested that students bring canned food to school and use it as a weapon if a dangerous intruder confronts them. The intruder may have guns and explosives but the students will have peas and corn. Does this not sound much like the movie Home Alone? Are they going to tie a string to the cans and swing them from the stairs? Perhaps glass shards on the floor in case the intruder attacks barefoot or Bunsen burners heating up the door handles to the classrooms to burn the intruder's hands. We need to keep our kids safe but there must be a better way. At least the kids will never be hungry as I am sure each student will have a few cans of food kept in their desks for emergencies. Can you imagine a student opening a can of peas during class.  Look at the picture of the staff they are so proud of this ridiculous idea.   

Super Heroes

 In life we all need heroes to admire and to emulate. It can be our parents, friends, colleagues, a boss, athletes, maybe even movie stars. Someone we want to be like when we grow up. This is why we all love super hero movies. Superman, Ironman, Spiderman, Batman, mostly normal people with special powers able to assistance those in the most dire of need. I think all of us want to be heroes to someone, it is probably why we have children.
  I love super hero movies, all the cool non stop action combined with the super hero always saving the day. Avengers, in my opinion, is one of the best super hero movies as it combines multiple heroes: Iron Man, Captain America, The Hulk, together with others, all fighting together to save the world.
 It is hard to imagine, but there are people who don't appreciate a good super hero movie and don't believe in Superman, Batman, Ironman.... their lives must be so empty. Everyone needs a hero to believe in. Watch the attached video and then tell me you still don't believe in super heroes.

  

Sink Hole

One minute everything is great, all is going well. The next minute, a gaping pit has suddenly appeared.  Is it under your house? Remember that unfortunate guy in Florida whose bedroom was suddenly devoured by a massive sink hole, the poor guy never to be seen again. It begins with maybe an innocuous leak in a rusty pipe then the earth beneath your feet quietly erodes until one day…whoosh. Whole buildings have been sucked into sinkholes. Entire roads have been knocked out.
 I parked my car today in a perfectly normal every day parking spot, upon my return a road crew was waiting for me, a sink hole had suddenly appeared under my car. Once I got to my car, the crew jumped out of their truck and directed me out of the spot to ensure I did not cause the sink hole to get any worse. One wrong turn and my car and I could disappear forever. 
 I survived but I was left with an unanswered question. What is better, dealing with a sink hole or an ass hole?
                             I was parked there one minute ago.         

  

The alternative is much worse.

I retired a few weeks ago. Expecting I would now have time to pursue all those interests that I have not had time to tend to. Challenge those hidden talents I have kept inside all these years. Read those books that I just have not had time to sit down and enjoy and of course spend more time with family and friends. What I discovered is that  I have no hidden talents or interests. There are no books I need to read and I now spent plenty of time with family and friends. Bored I turned to a very accomplished and wise movie star for inspiration as to what lies ahead in retirement. I discovered that when one is bored you stick your nose where it does not belong and before you know it you are in big trouble.
So I am coming out of retirement and have joined the team at Motion Specialties. Too bad Mickey never got this opportunity. I would be happy to meet and discuss Motions with one and all. You can reach me at mgreen@motionspecialties.com or call 905 541 5891. Always easier to get me by email.                            
                                                                               

Full contact wedding

Some weddings you wish you were never invited to, I call those invoices, and others, well, if only you could have been there.
I just read about a wedding in India where the groom, as he was extending his arms to place the ring on the bride's finger, had an epileptic fit and fell to the ground. The bride,so angry that her family was kept in the dark about the groom's medical condition announced that she would marry any guest at the wedding who stepped forward.
A guest, dressed only in jeans and a leather jacket stepped forward and the ceremony continued.
After the original groom received medical treatment from a doctor and returned to the wedding, he pleaded with the bride to change her mind, but she refused. A brawl then broke out, where spoons, plates and dishes were used as weapons and a full out food fight ensued. Authorities were called and a few people were detained.
Now that's a wedding you want to be at.
                                               Dinner and a show!

                                                       

                                                                                                                                                           

Don't worry about me

To all my friends and colleagues who may be wondering how I am doing in retirement. Well, don't cry for me Argentina, I am currently out of the country staying at the fabulous Central Boutique Hotel that includes a wonderful shuttle service to any where you wish to visit and a 24-7 supermarket next door for all my culinary needs. Can life be any better?
                    

A word to the wise.

I made a mistake today and entered a womens bathroom. Sorry ladies but if you want us guys to stop using the womens bathrooms then don't make the sinks look like urinals.

Feeling a little older today.

I lost my phone today. I thought I left it in the car but when I went to check the car I could not find it. As I was searching the car a young lady passed by, probably about 30 years old, and asked me if I was looking for my car keys as they were right there hanging in the car door. She obviously realized I was looking for something. I thanked her and assured her that I was not suffering from memory loss but rather looking for my phone which I had misplaced. Do I look that old that strangers feel the need to assist me? Maybe walk me across the street? Help me up from a chair? Not a great Moe's moment.
By the way I found the phone in my pocket. I wonder how it got there?

Over not under

It’s an age-old question (and probably the cause of more than one marital argument): Which way should toilet paper rolls be oriented? Over or Under? This is serious business, wrong installation and the entire roll can unravel all over the floor. As usual I tackle important life issues!
Were you aware that the average person spends 30 minutes per year just looking for the end of a toilet paper roll, translating into hundreds of million of dollars per year in lost productivity.
But now the professionals, the engineers, have finally spoken. The roll is to be over for a quick pull and tear. Don't be embarrassed the next time your guests use your bathrooms, install the toilet paper correctly, they will be very appreciative.

 

Retirement

One should give careful consideration before retiring. Have you ever wondered what happens to  cartoon characters when they accomplished all their goals and decide to retire? What about the coyote and roadrunner? They were a favorite growing up. The coyote never quite able to catch the roadrunner. Take a look at this video you won't believe how the story ended. If anyone is thinking about retirement it is a must see.

Vending machines

I was at a mall recently and as usual I had to use the restrooms. I found the restrooms but discovered something very strange. Right next to the entrance to the restrooms was a vending machine for drinks. The last thing I am looking for is to purchase a coke when I am looking for a place to pee nor for a drink immediately after I pee. I wonder whose brilliant idea this was.

What not to say.

What not to say on a first date and what not to say on a job interview has become the latest craze and has gone viral on the internet. Good advice for those with no common sense.
 It does however remind me of an interview I once had with a potential new pharmacist a number of years ago. After introductions and a brief discussion about the industry the interview was actually going quite well. Then came, " I should mention" from the candidate.
-I am unable to sign prescriptions.
-I cannot be left alone with a fellow employee.
-I am unable to work on Wednesdays as I have to report to my addiction counsellor.
 Needless to say he did not get the job, I did however refer him to our competitors.
                         http://9gag.com/gag/anKyrxz?ref=android.s.email

Hitting below the belt.

I try at all costs to avoid talking about politics. I respect everyone's right to their own opinion as long as it causes no harm to others. Whether you are a Liberal or a Conservative, a Republican or a Democrat we can all get along. I also believe politics should not become personal so when I saw this attack against Obama I was offended. This is none of the Republican's business. It is really hitting below the belt.

Piano Man

Do you have a favorite song? Gareth Davies loves Celine Dion's Titanic song.  He likes it so much that he blasts it over and over and over again all day long. It is so loud that neighbors have lodged a complaint with City Council and have had his sound equipment worth $5,000 seized.
 Gareth did manage to hang on to his iPhone and MacBook, which City Council also wanted because they too are capable of playing music.
  ‘People have the right to lead a peaceful existence without it being ruined by loud music,’ said Peter Hicks, the council’s portfolio holder for community safety.
    I am not sure what the fuss is all about. I once went to a Celine Dion concert in Vegas where the music was very loud and I had no trouble having a peaceful sleep. In fact I believe I fell asleep during the Titanic song. I wonder whether there would have been a fuss if Gareth had better taste in music.
 Would anyone have complained if Billy Joel was played over and over again? I think not!
  

For all you Leaf fans

  The last time I made fun of the Leafs and suggested they stop tip toeing and start skating they went on a winning streak. It is time I get involved again. Take a look at the video below and remember life is always sweeter as a Canadians fan. Go Habs Go!

Secret to longevity

  The oldest living woman in Scotland -- 109 -- says the secret to her longevity is this: Eat your porridge and avoid men.
Gallan told the newspaper that her "secret to a long life has been staying away from men. They're just more trouble than they're worth." She noted that she also "made sure to eat a nice warm bowl of porridge every morning and to have never gotten married."
  While the oldest person in Scotland, Gallan is not the oldest person in the world. That honor goes to Misao Okawa of Japan, who celebrated her 116th birthday in March. She has been a widow for 83 years (her husband died in 1931) -- suggesting that she perhaps shares Gallan's view about avoiding men if you want to live long.
  So what do us men think the reason for man's longevity is? Truthfully it is irrelevant, look at the chart below of oldest people on record. All women.
  So guys skip the porridge, have a drink and a hot dog, watch a lot of sports, hang out with your buddies and when ever your time comes at least you will have a smile on your face.

Rank	Name	Sex	Birth date	Death date	Age	Place of death or residence
1	Jeanne Calment	F	21 February 1875	4 August 1997	122 years, 164 days	France
2	Sarah Knauss	F	24 September 1880	30 December 1999	119 years, 97 days	United States
3	Lucy Hannah	F	16 July 1875	21 March 1993	117 years, 248 days	United States
4	Marie-Louise Meilleur	F	29 August 1880	16 April 1998	117 years, 230 days	Canada
5	María Capovilla	F	14 September 1889	27 August 2006	116 years, 347 days	Ecuador
6	Misao Okawa[4]	F	5 March 1898	Living[4]	7002116000000000000116 years, 7002325000000000000325 days	Japan
7	Gertrude Weaver[4]	F	4 July 1898	Living[4]	7002116000000000000116 years, 7002204000000000000204 days	United States
8	Tane Ikai	F	18 January 1879	12 July 1995	116 years, 175 days	Japan
9	Elizabeth Bolden	F	15 August 1890	11 December 2006	116 years, 118 days	United States
10	Besse Cooper	F	26 August 1896	4 December 2012	116 years, 100 days	United States

The first cut

I came across an article in Toronto Life magazine entitled "The First Cut".  As every boy and girl has memories of what they remember as their first hair cut I thought what a great topic. I remember my first hair cut, it was performed by my father in our home probably when I was about two years old. If I remember correctly my father cut my hair until I was about 8.
 So I was intrigued about the article. I started reading and lo and behold the first cut was not about ones first hair cut but rather about a boy's real first cut, the circumcision. The article described the Diamond ultra quick Mogen cut. If you blink you may miss the entire procedure.
 After performing over 9000 first cuts Dr. Aubie Diamond is referred to as the Circumcision King. An actual artist in his industry.
                       I guess what they say is true, "Diamond is a girls best friend".

Lab visit

We have all been to the labs to get blood work done. The wait is always unbearable, sitting in a small room packed with strangers, glancing at each person wondering what diseases they might have and thinking how contagious they might be. Some are wearing masks, others are coughing, all sitting in close proximity awaiting one's turn. The wait is usually 30 to 60 minutes of excruciating uncomfortableness.
 Well I did something about it this week. I discovered that now you can book an appointment in advance, arrive at the lab at your designated time, avoid any wait and leave within minutes.
 I arrived this past Thursday at the lab, 8:10 am, with health card in hand, ready to go straight to the front of the line accompanied with a slight haughty glance across the room. I arrived a few minutes early, entered the front doors walked straight to the registration desk presented my health card, turned around to glance at all those waiting but the room was empty! There was not a single person waiting. No one. What a disappointment, I thought it would feel like being at Disney World going straight to the front of line but in stead it felt like being at Ontario Place.
 At least I didn't have to wait.

latest technology

In the fast moving world that we live in it is critical to be aware of all the latest and greatest technological advances that might make our lives just a little bit more pleasant. With this in mind I must inform you of a new product I just saw on TV.
PooFume. A revolutionary product that is not an air freshener but rather a product sprayed in the toilet which creates a film on the top of the water trapping all odours under the barrier in the water. It also comes in a travel size so you can have it with you when ever you might find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. It is a real product and if you buy it now I am sure you can get a second bottle free. PooFume it may even be a pleasant perfume substitute for those who work in scent free zones.
                                                     Check out their commercial

Self Service

It seems many of my observations are bathroom related. Perhaps that is where I get most of my thinking done. Not much more to think about in the bathroom than what is right in front of you. So when I visited a bathroom in a mall recently the below dispenser caught my eye. Look at the instructions. They want the customer to clean the toilet seat! They give step by step instructions. Pull off toilet paper, add cleanser and then wipe off the public bathroom toilet seat with the toilet paper in your bare hand. They even add a picture of how to wipe the toilet seat. Are we to do this before, after or perhaps before and after?
 I wonder how many people actually do this? I know one guy who definitely will not!